Ramblings

Playing: "I Wish I Was Sober" - Frightened Rabbit

I was feeling good for a little bit and then I started feeling bad again.  I'm sure listening to Frightened Rabbit isn't improving my mood, especially considering their latest album is called Painting of a Panic Attack.

The weekend was hard.  On Saturday, my mom called me and I told her that I'm on medical leave from work.  I yelled and cried and cursed to my parents for the first time.  It was tense and frustrating and I didn't do much after that.  I curled into bed and cried and had a headache for the rest of the day.  My dad then called me on Sunday to chat--which I think was his way of saying he was sorry and that things were okay with us despite what happened on Saturday.  Which is good.  But there's still some tension there.

Yesterday I had Amber and Jessica over.  We went to Stacked by my place and then drove to LA proper to visit Whimsic Alley and stop by Amoeba.  Then we went back to my place and watched A New Hope while playing Cards Against Humanity.  It was good to be around people and to be out in the world.  I got some sunlight on my skin and laughed and it was nice.

Getting out of bed today was hard.  Getting out of bed hasn't quite gotten easy.  I went for a quick 2 mile run, even though I probably should've run more, and then sat in front of my TV to watch more 30 Rock.  I made an attempt to vlog for Mental Health Awareness Month and failed.  And now I'm making this sad attempt at blogging.

I have a lot of things I think about creating but can't seem to do it.  I hate that the depression makes me feel so disinterested in doing anything.